UK: Dying conversation - death remains a taboo subject among Brits

Death is a taboo subject when it comes to conversation, according to new research launched today.

The topic is the most avoided conversational item for around one in five people, the nationwide survey by Norwich Union reveals.

Women feel more at ease discussing it than men – although young people aged 16-24 believe talking about Tony Blair and political issues is even MORE of a taboo subject than death.

The research also reveals:

• Death is seen as less of a taboo by the youngest (16-24) AND oldest (65+) than all other age groups, while religion is the biggest conversational taboo among 30-somethings
• Both death and sex are considered equally taboo subjects by women
• Death is seen as the biggest taboo by a quarter (24 per cent) of Londoners - far more than anywhere else in Britain, and
• People in the North West are the most likely to openly discuss death – only 12 per cent of people asked described death as the biggest taboo, fewer than anywhere else

Nearly half the people questioned (48 per cent) also said they were treated differently by others after their friend or loved one died – and 54 per cent said advice on how to support someone who has suffered a bereavement would be useful.

The research is published to coincide with the announcement that Norwich Union is to support Cruse Bereavement Care, the UK’s largest and only national organisation that helps and supports the bereaved.

Norwich Union is donating Ł90,000 to Cruse, allowing the charity to recruit a full-time member of staff and train 10 volunteers to work on its helpline and respond to calls. Norwich Union will also give a further Ł10,000 in sponsorship to the charity’s publication ‘Cruse News’.

David Czerwinski, of Norwich Union, said: “The Oxford English Dictionary definition of taboo is something that’s avoided or prohibited, especially by social custom – and that certainly seems to be the case when it comes to talking about death.

“Our research suggests that two out of every three people in the UK has lost either a close family member or a friend in the last three years – yet as a nation we still find it extremely difficult to discuss death, and cope with bereavement.

“With nearly a third of people feeling there isn’t adequate support in place for those who suffer bereavement, we’re delighted to be supporting Cruse Bereavement Care and helping get their message across.”

The survey found that people are most likely to turn to family members after a bereavement, and that women are more likely to turn to girlfriends than men are to discuss it with their male counterparts. Just six per cent of those questioned would turn to ‘a religious leader’.

Asked what they needed most to help them through their bereavement, 46 per cent said ‘someone to talk to’ – while the equal second most popular answers were family and friends; counselling and support; and to be left alone.

Anne Viney, spokesperson for Cruse, added: “Cruse provides advice, counselling and information on practical matters for bereaved people entirely free of charge - last year over 107,000 people sought help and support from us.

“Cruse is only able to offer its services freely due to the generosity of individuals and grant-making bodies, and we’re delighted to receive the support of Norwich Union.

“The research findings demonstrate that people clearly find death a taboo subject, whether it’s discussing it with others or seeking help. Anyone who has suffered a bereavement and wants help can contact the Cruse helpline on 0870 167 1677.”

More information and advice on dealing with bereavement is available at www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk.

Press contact:
Howard Bowden or Gabrielle Brewer on 020 7379 0304.

Notes to editors

• Norwich Union and Cruse Bereavement Care have teamed up to offer 10 pointers to helping a recently bereaved friend, relative or work colleague.
  1. Do make contact to let them know how sorry you are and that you’re thinking of them. A simple “I’m sorry” may be all that’s needed. Bereaved people can be very hurt if it seems that people are deliberately avoiding them.
  2. Don’t be afraid to talk about the person who has died, for example by recalling something kind they did or said, or that was characteristic of them. Someone who is bereaved doesn’t want to feel that everyone has forgotten the person they loved, and that it’s as if they never existed.
  3. Be a good listener. It often helps bereaved people to talk about the death, and they may need to do this over and over again while coming to terms with what has happened.
  4. Don’t be afraid of tears – theirs or yours. It’s better to cry about the death than to pretend nothing has happened.
  5. By all means ask someone bereaved how they are feeling, but try not to impose your own views or solutions; remarks like “it was a merciful release”, “You’ll have another child before long” or even “I know just how you feel” are generally not helpful - even though they’re well meant. Only the bereaved person knows how they feel.
  6. Do offer help – something specific that you can do readily, such as relieving them of paperwork or standing in for them at a meeting is better than a vague “If there’s anything I can do, let me know”.
  7. Remember that grieving can take a long time, often many months or even years. Anniversaries of the death, birthdays, family get-togethers and bank holidays can reinforce feelings of loss and grief.
  8. Do continue to include the bereaved person in invitations, even though they may say ‘no’ at first.
  9. For a while, bereaved people often find it hard to concentrate because of the shock and distress they are suffering. Do make allowances for this.
  10. Remember that the problems of bereavement don’t disappear after a week or two. Flexibility around working arrangements is often greatly appreciated, for example if time off is needed for reasons connected with the bereavement.
• Norwich Union commissioned Taylor Nelson Sofres to carry out research among 1,010 adults aged 16+, during August 2002.
• Norwich Union – www.norwichunion.com - is the UK’s largest insurer, offering a comprehensive range of long-term savings and general insurance products.
• News releases are available on the Aviva plc website at www.aviva.com, and a selection of images is available from the Norwich Union Newscast site at www.newscast.co.uk.
• Cruse Bereavement Care is the UK’s largest and only national organisation that helps and supports anyone bereaved by death. Last year over 107,000 people sought help and support from Cruse.
• Cruse provides advice, counselling and information on practical matters for bereaved people entirely free of charge. Cruse’s bereavement support is delivered through its national helpline and a network of over 6,500 highly committed volunteers working in the community, in 178 branches across the UK.
• Cruse Bereavement Care, 126 Sheen Rd, Richmond, Surrey TW9 1UR Tel: 020 8939 9530 Helpline: 0870 167 1677 E-mail: info@crusebereavementcare.org.uk www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk Charity Reg No 208078